Updated: May 9, 2019
Hi, I'm back, Blackspace is back.
The past few months have been absolute hell. I left my retail part time job, landed myself a full time position and wrote a 10k dissertation.
Sounds fab on paper but honestly I was losing my mind. I’ve never dealt with stress well. However I have a tendency to think I can do anything and everything.
Personally, I don't think there’s anything wrong with that mindset. I am very confident in my ability to do things and yet I crumbled. I was crying, not eating, breaking out and I was grinding my teeth a lot (googled it, it was stress.)
One thing that I learnt from this whole process was that you honestly can’t come and kill yourself. I was running myself to the ground all for the sake of keeping up appearances. All the adults in the office kept asking me:
“How are you writing a dissertation and working full time?”
It got to the point where it was grating on me, it was very much possible. Duh, I was doing it. I put it down to people trying to psych me out. Yet, weeks later, I requested time off to finish my dissertation. I felt embarrassed but relief flooded through me. I literally had one week left to finish off the disso, but I promise you that week would’ve finished me if I didn’t take time off.
One thing that I want my brand to be is transparent. I like this new trend of transparency (to a certain degree, some of y’all be doing too much but that's a story for another time.)
I finished my dissertation and I was over the moon.
After two hours I was back to stressing out again.
This time I was stressing out about The Blackspace, which I had to take a break from while
completing university. I felt like I had abandoned something great. Every time a notification flashed up on my phone and it was related to BS (that’s what I’m calling it now, can’t be bothered to keep typing it out) I felt guilty. Guilty to the point where I switched off my notifications, ignored emails and got through my disso.
Instead of reveling in the moment of finishing university forever, the first thing I did was reach for something else I could stress about. To my dear friends on my private story, sorry lol.
As I said I want my brand to be transparent. I want to create a space where we can be completely honest with each other. I want to have these open discussions about important issues such as lack of representation, rape culture, mental health.
But I also don’t want to hold an event consisting of a panel of:
The SAME people, talking about the SAME things, coming to the SAME conclusion.
Before I decide to randomly hold an event where I expect people to mingle and “network” I want everyone to be comfortable first. I want to discuss who wore what best at the Met Gala over cocktails and in the same turn talk about how life is getting us down.
A community of black women feeling completely comfortable and safe in an environment? I would love to see it and I’m going to create it.
So all I’m saying is stay tuned. I’m not going to put a time stamp on anything because I’m avoiding deadlines for a while lol. But this is a mission that I am passionate about and I know that will keep me motivated.
So yes, there was a moment of “why am I even doing this?” but all I had to do is sit down and write what I want for myself and my brand (and not declare it on Twitter.)
Anyways, I’ve said my part. As always, now more than ever, we are building a community. So if would like to feature on the site, feel free to hit us up (I'm no longer avoiding the emails!)